Celebrating the First Year of Motherhood

Celebrating Little Big Rei's first birthday (which is today) means also celebrating my first year of motherhood. In fact, mother's day for me is today. I could've already been called a momma since detected pregnant though, but the date of Rei's arrival is more momentous.

Today, in the set mother's day, I lead myself to reflect:

Have I been a successful and happy momma? or the poor momma with failures?

Have I been enjoying the first year, counting things as blessings or 
have I been too much complaining?

Have I been an expert in dealing with motherhood stress and blues?

Have I been accepting or regretful of all the sudden personal changes: body, thoughts, emotions, career, time, sex/sexuality, life priorities?

My flash-back drew the good and bad times. There are ups and down, which shows that momma is a human. During the first year, I was cranky. I yelled. I cried. I was scarily mad. I complaint. Albeit, I smiled, I laughed, I sang and I praised. I've been going through the first year with so much confusions, about myself and about the roles. Yet, I learned from scratch. And here I am, ...  staying learning.


I came to the conclusion that there is in fact no constant state of motherhood. And that is why I hate the construction of The Perfect Mom. Thus, demanding momma(s) to be always happy and smiling while letting her struggling to deal the awkward situation by her own, is rather a crime.

Nevertheless, the reflection questions also lead me to grasp the bright sides. There are so much to rejoice in this mother's day. Three celebrations at least. The first one is about myself. I'm feeling positive about being a mother. The second one is the outcome. Yeah, the little boy. Starring at the sleeping Rei at this moment, reflecting on how well he grows, has moved me to congratulate myself as the outstanding momma. That is how my beloved Addies evaluated me. Finally, the third one is the satisfaction on the balance relationships between motherhood and fatherhood, with all the divisions of power and roles. I highly respect Addies for this. He has made me desirably wanting to write about the Measures of a Father.

So yeaayy, congrat me!