The Manila trip in the late November 2012 was the first momentum of leaving Little Big Rei at home, for
quite long time. Hmm..., long time here means two days, three nights. Hehehe. Well, that's long for me. I squeezed the trip from three days to two days because of feeling anxious to leave Rei too long. It was not my first trip to Manila anyway, so beside participating in the
symposium, I was not interested at all to have a city tour, except shopping for Filipino mangoes and
chicharon (fried pork skin crackers).
I didn't pump to leave any breast milk at home because my
pumped milk get smelly soon for it contains
too much lipase.
Meanwhile, formula milk is no no! So my Little Big Rei didn't drink
milk at all during the days I left. Addies deliberately took official leaves for rearing Rei
and giving me chance to go. Taking care Rei without momma's breasts was a
struggle. So much cries and angers in the first night, Addies told me.
Rei was rather not enthusiastic of playing, but the good thing was that
he maintained good appetite for food. Anyway, overall, my two men succeeded to manage life.
I was struggling myself in Manila. While my body stayed in the symposium, my mind frequently turned blank, flying to Rei.
How is Rei doing now? is he crying? Could he eat well? etc. When breasts got swollen, I ran to find a room, pumping, and in such moment I missed Rei so much. I came to realize the
feeling of a mother who's being separated from her
child.
The waiting for the flight back to Jakarta in MNL airport frustrated me. I needed so much to pump at the time because it's been painful. After searching with my blister feet, there I found a breastfeeding room. BUT, it was locked and dark. Gosh! Why on earth they provide a closed breastfeeding room? It supposes to be opened for 24 hours. I complained and asked for helps to at least 10 different airport officers, just to get the key to open the room. No one ever helped me. It surprised me that no officer was aware that there was a breastfeeding room in the airport. They said that there was no such room. I told them there was one. That is one issue. The other one was that no one would want to help me getting the room key. They said that it was not part of their jobs and that I supposed to exit and go to the airport management locket to ask support. One officer even made a joke, with giggling saying that the room is closed today, but perhaps open tomorrow. I snapped him: You are so insensitive, man!
I was reluctant to exit the waiting room, because I must pass the bag/body scanners and later come back to face another checking. If I did this, I could have missed the flight. Only 20 minutes left. Eventually I decided to push myself to accept the situation, back sitting down in front of the boarding gate, inhaling exhaling, trying to calm down, humming all the songs I composed for Rei.
I finally landed in Jakarta at midnight. My two men
picked me up at CGK airport. I sneaked to the car and there I saw Rei
who looked sleepy, but anxious. I whispered, calling his name. Rei
turned his head and starred at me strangely, as if couldn't believe that I'd be back. He
gave me a very nice little smile, but silent. He didn't make any sound at all, but fingered my breasts.
After all the separation, what he really needed the most, at the first time seeing me again, was sucking me. He fell asleep
so fast after breastfed. No sound till we arrived at home.
In the next days, Rei get used
to sleep without me and breasts in the morning or afternoon, which is a good thing for preparing a
weaning. It is also a lot easier for Addies to make Rei sleep on his hands. Well, the lessons learnt about separation is that sometimes it's good for the three of us, the team.
